5th Jan 2015…Day 1 of the detox!!

So I decided the best way to kick-start my weight loss was a shock to the system! If I can survive this week then the rest will be a walk in the park! Now I’m not doing an “extreme detox” – no drinking bodily fluid or drinking processed grass and seaweed.

I did however want to do something to challenge myself, it’s not really a detox if I continue to stuff my cheeks with chocs but have an extra glass of water a day. Once again trusty Google came to my rescue and to be honest I picked bits from a wide range of supposed detox diets.

So my “rules” for my 7 day detox are:


  1. No alcohol
  2. No meat (Fish and Quorn allowed)
  3. No dairy
  4. No wheat
  5. No processed foods
  6. No sauces or dressings
  7. DEFINITELY No sweets, chocolates, crisps, biscuits or cakes
  8. Start each day with a mug of hot water and lemon (apparently it aids digestion)
  9. As much water as I can drink without permanently sitting on the toilet.
  10. The hardest one…NO CAFFEINE

Now I forgot to mention the thing that makes my detox a million times harder is that I work in a school kitchen. I am solely responsible for making puddings for 130 children everyday, ranging from oaty fruit crumble and custard (what I made today) to butterscotch tart (what I am dreading to make on Thursday – it’s so scrummy with its buttery flaky pastry and goey caramel fudge topping…mmmmm…. *snaps out of it*).

The good thing that I am trying to concentrate on is that being in a kitchen means that there are lots of healthy foods also available to snack on, fruit, vegetables, salads etc. It’s just hard when I have to walk past 130 shortbread biscuits and push a 3kg block of cheese out of the way to get to it.

…Anyhoo Day 1 went without too much of a hitch. Breakfast was my hot water and lemon (lots of sour lemon sucking faces were pulled – much to the amusement of my children) followed by a fruit salad of banana, mango, melon and apple. Lunch at work was a Jacket Potato (no butter or spread) with some plain tinned tuna and a salad, minimal desire to gorge on the crumble and any thoughts were quickly diminished by my “just-started-gusto”. Dinner was salmon with new potatoes, peas and carrots all consumed through the day with enough water for about 50 million trips to the toilet *note to self – need more loo roll*


I am practising what I preach and did my one weigh in this morning, butt naked (lovely mental image) so I can’t use the excuse that my leggins must have added at least 6lbs. I took down some basic measurements and I will weigh myself each Monday and re-do measurements every other week and try my hardest not to weigh myself every morning – I think that will be harder than keeping my sausage fingers out of the biscuit tin 🙂


4th Jan 2015…What is “willpower”?!

shutterstock112638251What is willpower? Does it determine whether we succeed or fail? Can your willpower be influenced by other people? Why are other people’s willpower stronger than mine?

A million questions and not many answers about willpower are currently rushing around my head as I am sat here nibbling the chocolate off a hazelnut (it’s the end of Christmas and the only ‘Roses’ that are left in the tub are hazelnut whirls – and I don’t like hazelnuts)

I am due to start my 7 day detox tomorrow and already I am filled with a familiar sense of trepidation that I won’t succeed in lasting till lunchtime, let alone the end of the week. So I decided to do some investigating into the wonderful world of willpower.

The Oxford dictionary definition of willpower is:

The ability to control your thoughts and actions in order to achieve what you want to do.

Makes it sound so simple. But how do you control your thoughts and actions? Especially at 4pm in the afternoon when your body is craving sugar, your imagining work colleagues as various items of food and all you have to keep your hunger at bay is a half a pear and some green tea.

Googling “Willpower” brings up all manner of psychological theories about what it is and how you can increase it. How you only need enough willpower to change what ever habit you wish to change and after a certain amount of time the new behaviour will take over enough for you to not need the willpower anymore. Pretty confusing stuff!

But in the few websites I did manage to read before my brain exploded I noticed how all of them seemed to have one thing in common; they all made me feel that what I was wanting to change was something that was good in my life. How I needed to resist the “wanting” to stuff my face with chocolate to succeed.

The problem with that is that I’m already focusing on what I am missing out on with this big change. So that got me thinking; instead of picturing what I wanted (chocolate) and trying to curb all the fibres in my being to stop wanting it, why can’t you picture what it is you want to achieve so that you don’t feel like you’re depriving yourself?


  • I want a healthier lifestyle
  • I want to have more energy
  • I want to have confidence in myself when I walk into a room
  • I want to be able to go into shops and buy clothes that I want to wear

That “want” is what I think drives my willpower. The “want” and determination for something different has to be greater than the current situation for the willpower to have an effect.


Like I said in my previous post, my reasoning for wanting to lose weight again is that I want to have that confidence back. I like the feeling that being confident gave me, how it help me make friends and gave me a sense of belonging with people. That feeling was a million times better than the feeling I get when I eat a bar of chocolate and a gazillion times better than what I feel like after I’ve eaten the chocolate.

So that is what I am going to focus on; what I want to achieve and what I want to feel like. What I am doing is a stepping stone to that achievement. So for me if I keep telling myself that a 7 day detox with no alcohol, no caffeine, no dairy and no meat is a GREAT stepping stone towards the feeling I want to acheive then I will sail through this next week….right?!? :-S

3rd Jan 2015…Piss or get off the pot

So I suppose a first post should outline my blog…give potential readers a chance to understand what it’s going to be about. But the truth is I’m not really sure I’m writing it for people to read.

I just need a platform to sound off…

There’s an age-old quote that generally pops up on people’s Facebook and Twitter pages:

You only live once…but if you do it right, once is enough.

…and the thing is I don’t feel like I am living it. I feel like life is passing me by, I am a spectator, not a participant and the one reason that I think that life is holding me back is because of my weight.

Starting at the beginning it’s the classic story of always being a “big-child” growing up, gradually getting bigger and bigger, gorging on junk food and then piling on the pounds after having children. (An eye-watering 24 and a half stone by April 2013)

However the difference for me – and one that makes me constantly kick myself – is that I HAD already lost part of the weight.

For various personal reasons (involving a cancelled wedding 4 weeks before it was meant to happen) I lost a lot of weight…7 and a half stone to be exact and it completely changed my life.

Before losing the weight I was a hermit – never venturing out for fear that people would be pointing, staring and laughing. I didn’t have many friends and when they did invite me out I would always make some excuse as to why I couldn’t go out.

I had to watch where I went out to eat, if a restaurant had a booth I may not be able to fit into it.

I couldn’t run around with my children, in fact just going out for a walk with them ended in me puffing and panting and needing to sit down – the “‘Mum’s race” in sports day wasn’t even an idea considered.

I couldn’t take them to a theme park as I knew I wouldn’t be able to squeeze onto the rides. I refused to take them swimming for fear that I would be mistook for a beached whale and harpooned at poolside.

I didn’t fit into any clothes in the shops – unless I went to a specialist shop – which I couldn’t deal with the embarrassment of. So I spent all my time in baggy internet bought clothes in a massive size 32, hiding away, and being in a constant cycle of overeating and feeling hideous about myself.

But then Easter weekend of 2013 I started at Slimming world and everything changed…

Fast forward to Jan 2014…

Now I know losing 7 and a half stone still only took me down to a pretty hefty 17 stone, but the transformation was amazing both on the outside and in! People I hadn’t seen in ages didn’t recognise me.

Being a size 18 (in spanx – granted) meant that I could go into any clothes shop and chose what I wanted to wear, not what would best cover all the rolls.

I took my son to a theme park and managed to get on all the rides, some with only millimetres to spare!! (Confirming my worries before the weight loss that I wouldn’t have fitted in)!

I could be seen down the pub on a regular basis, conversing and laughing with other human beings! I even managed to make some new friends and occasionally attracted some attention from the opposite sex!

So the question is, how did I managed to get myself here, Jan 2015, writing this blog?

Well, after nearly a year dieting I decided that I had got bored with feeling guilty every time I ate a chocolate bar, I was fed up of going out for dinners and ordering a salad whilst friends were tucking into meaty burgers or gooey pizza’s and I convinced myself that having a “treat” every now and again wasn’t going to make a massive difference.

That was my first problem, my second problem was that I go to extreme’s with everything and throw myself in whole-heartedly. Great for when you want to lose 105lbs in 10 months, but the flip side was that from Jan last year to sat here now I’ve managed to put 3 and a half stone of it back on. I’m back in my baggy clothes, “billy-no-mates” and living my life indoors too embarrassed to go out anywhere.

What did I discover during this time?

A chocolate bar makes you feel great – but not as great as having confidence in yourself.

So this is me, wanting to get back to the weight, health, life and confidence I had before…and my journey doing it.